Emotional Blackmail in a Relationship is a Big Problem in Modern Relationships

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner emotionally blackmailed you? Or where he wanted to control your every move? Or maybe you felt emotionally blackmailed?

If you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone. Many people fall victim to emotional blackmail. But what exactly is emotional blackmail? 

Emotional blackmail is a very dysfunctional dynamic that occurs in some relationships. It is a form of manipulation by which someone makes demands on and threatens their victim to get what they want.

As with regular blackmail, the message of emotional blackmail is, “If you don’t do what I want and when I want it, you will be sorry.” I will make you suffer.”

Let’s say you saw your married boss fooling around in his office with one of your co-workers. Since he doesn’t want his wife to find out, he’ll probably do whatever it takes to keep you from telling his secret. So it would be blackmail to tell him, “I won’t tell your wife if you double my salary.”

Emotional blackmail isn’t that different. It just happens in close, intimate relationships. Someone who tries to blackmail you emotionally will create feelings of fear, guilt, and anger to get you to do what they want. As he does this, he tries to blame you for his negative behavior.

Emotional blackmail occurs in many romantic relationships. For example, if a woman is caught cheating on her husband, instead of expressing remorse and apologizing for her actions, she will shift the blame onto her husband instead.

In other words, she can say things like, “If only you were more loving and thoughtful to me, I wouldn’t have had to cheat on you!” This justifies her behavior and confuses her husband so much that he may even believe it was his to Blame her for cheating on him.

Here are some other ways someone can emotionally blackmail another person: For example, someone says, “If you ever break up with me, I will commit suicide.” Or, “You say you love me, but you won’t stop, to talk to your friend.”

You see, an emotional blackmailer will always try to make the victim feel guilty about everything.   These people also use strategies that confuse their victims. They do this by making their demands seem reasonable, making their victim seem selfish or crazy, or teaming up with someone else to intimidate them.

But how do you know if you’re being emotionally blackmailed?

Believe it or not, you may not even know if you are being blackmailed. It may seem like you should know, but sometimes people are too close to the situation and don’t see the warning signs.

So what should you watch out for?

Do you apologize a lot? In other words, do you feel like your partner thinks everything you’re doing is wrong and you need to constantly ask for forgiveness?

Do you take responsibility for your partner’s actions? In other words, when he throws a tantrum, do you automatically think it’s because you did something wrong?

Does it seem like you’re the only one giving in or making sacrifices in your relationship? Do you often feel intimidated by your partner? Do you feel threatened about following what was said? Do you change your life just to make your partner happy?

Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself? Or do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and can’t talk about things that bother you?

Do you find it impossible to set boundaries or say no to your partner in your relationship? Do you find it extremely difficult to communicate with your partner? 

If you answered “yes” to several of these questions, you are likely being emotionally blackmailed. And you have to do something about it. If you’re the victim of emotional blackmail, there are a few ways to deal with it:

1. Be honest with yourself

First, you need to be honest with yourself and be strict and objective about your partner’s behavior. Try to recognize his controlling behavior.

2. Keep a journal

Your daily interactions with the other person allow you to go back and review what was said and done. That way you have a written record of the actual behavior that is happening. Since our memory can sometimes play tricks on us, it is important to put it on paper.

3. Determine if you are in danger

Many people have their occasional emotional outbursts, but if this has become a regular thing in your relationship, you need to protect yourself.

4. Seek help

Try to understand why you allow this behavior in your partner. Is there something in your past that makes you think you deserve this negative behavior? If you have the means, try seeking help from a therapist to figure out why you’re allowing this into your life.

5. Take action

Try to get your partner to seek help if they are an emotional blackmailer. And if he refuses, you must seriously consider ending the relationship if he doesn’t want to change.

Nobody deserves to be emotionally blackmailed. It’s a horrible, mean way to manipulate another human being. So when you find yourself being the victim of emotional blackmail in your relationship, you need to realize that you deserve better. Save yourself and your happiness, because that’s all that matters.