Is radio station quarrel something negative?
Imagine the following scenario: You had an argument with your partner and he/she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore afterward. He/she avoids all contact, even eye contact, and leaves the room when you come in.
If you’ve experienced something like this before, you know how uncomfortable and painful it is. If not, then you probably know of such or similar experiences of other couples. Or maybe your parents had a long radio silence after the argument.
But have you ever wondered how that long radio affects the people in the relationship and the relationship itself? Is that a positive or rather a negative behavior? Can it become offensive, Does this type of communication have serious consequences? How and why does it actually arise? We answer all these questions in this text.
Definition: What is radio silence after an argument?
First, it is important to define this phenomenon and recognize it in the behavior of others.
Radio station is the silence after a heated argument between people. It happens not only between lovers but also in family relationships: between parents and children or between friends.
This behavior can have many different reasons and consequences, but we will write about that a little later. It is important to understand that beacon is a learned response. It mostly protects the person from opening up completely, having to admit their mistakes, or showing themselves to be vulnerable and emotional.
If it lasts a long time and occurs frequently, this is a serious issue that should definitely be addressed.
Duration: How long radio silence after an argument is normal?
Typically, after an argument, the radio station lasts anywhere from a few hours to a few days. However, this situation can last for a few weeks.
However, such radio station lasts too long and should not be considered normal. There’s no telling how long radio silence is normal after an argument in a relationship when it would be best if there were no such thing.
It is normal for a person to want to take time out after or during an argument. However, we should clearly distinguish between a temporary break and a long radio station. Especially in relationships like partnership or marriage.
Differences between silence and radio silence
When there is a heated argument, emotional maturity is shown by distancing oneself or by taking time to cool one’s head, organize thoughts, and sort out feelings.
This is especially advisable for all people who say things that they would not normally say when they are in a state of anger.
In the scenario where you or your friend gets too angry to communicate normally, it would be good to take some time off. This time out or break should be limited in time and clearly addressed.
For example, you can say that you need 15 or 20 minutes to go outside, take a walk, or just be alone in another room, and after that, you will calm down and be able to talk normally again.
We all know that when you’re angry and your emotions aren’t in control, it’s very poor and inefficient to communicate. This break is then a productive thing that helps to create stability and clarity and then to discuss it again and possibly come to a solution.
If you or your partner just flees the house during or after an argument, doesn’t say anything and comes back after a few hours, it’s not productive at all and doesn’t count as a constructive silence or pause .
Causes: What causes radio silence after an argument?
- protection mechanism
- Punishment (or Love Deprivation)
- show of force
- A bad way of communicating
- control questions in the relationship
- lack of self-knowledge
- Trauma Attachment Relationship
- suppression of emotions
- PTSD: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Only learned behavior
- Emotional Flood
When does radio silence become toxic after a fight?
If you or your friend are the people using radio silence, look out for these things that show the behavior is becoming toxic. This can easily and quickly become a destructive behavior pattern. People who use this treatment to gain power or control will achieve the following things:
- They always want things to go their way.
- They want to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior.
- Without productive conversation, they want to punish you if your behavior bothers them.
- They want you to apologize so they can talk again.
- You always have to agree to their terms in order for them to communicate with you again.
- They use silence as a means of passive aggression because they want complete control.
Consequences: How does frequent radio silence affect the other person and the entire relationship?
If radio silence is not a time-out, then it can have difficult mental and emotional consequences for the other person.
This person feels alone and abandoned because now they cannot communicate their pain and thoughts. They stay indoors and that can cause a lot of damage.
The problems that are dealt with in this way are just pushed under the rug, and not really discussed in the conversation. Therefore, it can happen that over time they become larger and/or more numerous.
This can finally result in the end of the relationship or separation.
Radio silence disturbs the self-confidence of the person receiving this treatment.
Guilt is transferred: A friend who is silent wants to transfer the blame for the entire situation to someone else in this way, without any reason being given. It doesn’t matter if that person is really guilty or not.
Behavior tips: How can you deal with radio silence after an argument?
Here are some tips on what to do before, during, and after the argument, as well as during and after the radio silence.
1. Choose a suitable time
When you see and feel that you or your partner is seething with anger, it’s a good time to take a break. So you can think about the reasons in peace and come to productive conclusions.
If the argument has already started, you can try to remain calm and not mix in too much emotion. That way, the other party will understand you better and take you more seriously.
If the argument has already ended without you coming to a productive resolution, you can take a little time. This will be useful for both you and your partner. After 15 or 20 minutes you can try to reconnect with him/her by hugging him/her and saying that you can make things right and talk about everything again.
2. Talking about yourself
You can attempt the conversation by not addressing your partner personally. It’s much easier in these situations when you want to prove your point, to talk about yourself, your feelings, and your love for him/her. At least at the beginning. You can use the familiar ‘I’ statements to explain how you are feeling and what your friend can do. For example, you can say:
I feel rejected and abandoned if you don’t want to talk to me.
I think it would be better that we discuss each problem at once and find an explanation that will suit both of us.
It worries me when you just flee the house in silence after we had an argument.
3. No blame
It is very bad to claim who is at fault in an argument or situation. Every human relationship is the product of the people who are in it. So part of the blame is always (with extreme exceptions, of course) borne by both parties. You should think carefully to see where your reasons and your share of the blame lie. Only then can you have more effective discussions with your partner?
4. Find a solution
The main thing is that it doesn’t have to be found immediately. And that’s perfectly fine. But that must be clear. For both people involved in the dispute. If one person wants the problem to be discussed and clarification found immediately and the other would rather have a break, that’s a bit of a problem. You should agree on what suits you best. A partner can give a window of time in which he/she will calm down and then come back when he/she is ready to continue the discussion.
5. Ignoring doesn’t help (neither the problem nor the person)
If one partner performs the silent treatment and the other is bothered by it, the last one should not tolerate it at all. In the sense that he/she ignores this as soon as the partner speaks again. The most important thing shouldn’t be that he talks to you again, but how he talks and what he will do next time you have the same or similar problem. Of course, if the person doesn’t know that something is bothering you, they can’t change their behavior anyway. So speak it out!
5. Use time for reflection
Okay, Funkstelle has already happened, what can you do now? Of course, you can use this time for self-reflection. However, this should not bring destructive thoughts into it. You can use this time much more productively by thinking about how to start a conversation with your partner. In no case should you think that only you are to blame or that everything is only up to you.
6. Self-care is important
Do something you enjoy! Unfortunately, it can happen that a radio station takes a long time after a dispute. This can be a few hours or a few days. If the radio station lasts longer, you should not forget self-care and love for yourself. You should do something you enjoy, such as take a bubble bath, go to a health club or gym, go out with your friends, go out for drinks or dinner, talk to your friends, or visit family.
7. Avoid overthinking
We are aware that this is easier said than done. You must try not to think too much about the argument. It would be better that you think about the possible solutions that you will then later present to your partner. Maybe you will get some ideas and solutions spontaneously when you don’t think about them at all anymore.
8. Take the first step
Most of the time we are all too proud to take the first step. But when we love a person, we shouldn’t think about pride at all. We should try to solve our problems while walking, and if necessary, we should sometimes suppress our ego to make peace with our partner. So we set a good example and hopefully, our partner will follow suit.
9. Be emphatic and optimistic
It’s not the end of the world when we have a fight with our boyfriend. It happens to the best couples too, don’t worry, your love is still alive! Arguments and arguments are perfectly normal, but if you have productive conversations and find effective solutions, these situations won’t happen in the future. Or at least that this situation can then be solved more easily. We should all be a little more emphatic when it comes to the argument. We should think about how the other side felt and what their reasons were. Most often they are the same or almost the same as ours.
10. Take notes
This method may sound strange but it is really effective. Before you have a conversation with your partner, you can take notes to get a better overview of what and how you want to say. It’s also good to take notes when you’re forgetful or when you let your emotions take over when an argument starts. With the notes you are sure that you don’t forget anything and that you have arguments that you want to emphasize in particular.
11. Be specific and focused
In the conversations after the argument or after the radio silence, you should be particularly specific and focused. What does that actually mean? This means that you only talk about this situation and do not discuss any previous arguments at all. This is especially important because your partner will take you seriously and become more focused as well.
If you list other times he’s annoyed you, he’ll lose his focus too, and won’t be sure what you’re talking about. It’s far better to either stay focused on radio silence if that bothered you or just bring up those things that the last argument caused.
12. Sorry helps everyone
Most psychologists say it’s best not to apologize unless we’re sure we’ve done something wrong. But sorry doesn’t hurt. You can apologize if you realize that you, or rather your behavior, has hurt your partner. Surely he/she is sad or angry for a reason. Something has annoyed him/her and that’s why his or her reaction is like this.
Apologizing, even if you’re not sure why, can be helpful in the sense that your boyfriend or girlfriend will soften up and maybe be willing to talk to you again afterward. Again, you can be honest and say that you’re not sure what you did that made your partner react that way. But that you think your boyfriend’s feelings and love are important to you and that’s why you apologize.
It’s also good to ask what you did or what hurt your partner. That way you can understand him/her better and next time you won’t do it. Of course, you can ask your partner to do the same.
13. The two of you are in this situation together
That seems kind of redundant to say, but it is very important to mention that you two are together in this relationship and that you should act as such. Every relationship is hard work and cannot be done by just one person. All people have their flaws and everyone makes mistakes. That’s human. You are a team playing together. So act as one!
14. Open communication is essential
If you suppress your feelings and aren’t honest, you can’t expect your partner to communicate openly. It’s important to have honest and open communication from the start so that you can discuss any issues and any issues. Communicating openly is a lot easier than most people think. Saying everything that is on your heart will make you feel so light and comfortable, and you will also inspire your partner to do the same.
Therapy: When is professional help a good solution?
Always! But in any case, the sooner you notice and report it, the better it is. Couples therapy is a good idea for all couples who want to recognize the problem and solve it together.
But there are people who refuse therapy. More often than not, these people are the problematic person in the relationship. However, individual therapy is a good solution for them to discover, address and naturally try to improve their mechanisms and behavioral patterns.
A third, neutral person usually has an objective impression and a better overview of the situation. If this person is professional, you can count on good tips that you can use immediately and in everyday life.
When both partners take the progress in the relationship seriously enough and make an effort to avoid and correct bad behaviors, improvement is easier to make. In any case, it requires a lot of patience, some time and of course perseverance to actually implement all the things learned.
You will surely wonder if this behavior is more present among men or women.
This question has two answers. On the one hand, if we look at who is silent more and who speaks more – men or women – the answer is pretty clear. But that has to do with some biological reasons.
Usually, the women are the ones who talk more about their feelings. That’s because they just have a need to talk about it, and when they do it makes them feel better.
On the other hand, men have social and gender stereotypes that to be a real man they should be strong and emotionless. Which of course is far from the case.
Men feel exposed and vulnerable when they talk about their emotions. That’s why they don’t do it often. Or at least not with their partners, which shouldn’t be the case. Of course, that doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t love or that a breakup is bound to happen. Rather, you both should plan concrete steps , such as using the tips above, to work on your communication.
Men and women who are emotionally mature have no trouble talking about their feelings. This is the only way our friend can know what’s going on with us or what behavior he/she should avoid in order to make our partnership even better and more beautiful.
However, when it comes to radio silence after an argument, this behavior can appear among women as well as men. It just depends on whether the other party wants to tolerate it or not.
However, our tips are clear: you should talk about it the sooner the better and find a reason for the difficulties in your relationship and for the radio silence after an argument. This will make it easier for you to have better communication and relationships in the future as well.