There is a short and simple answer to your dating woes, and you probably won’t like that answer: it’s you .
If every person you find yourself emotionally involved with happens to be a psychopath or, at best, a dark moron, the one thing they all have in common is you.
It’s time to start asking yourself the right questions.
Classic scheme
One of our most basic needs as human beings is to love and be loved.
Because we’re wired for relationships from the moment we step into the world, you’d think it would be easier to choose partners that suit us well.
But the reality is that many of us end up with the wrong guys, without understanding why.
Why do I always date guys who are afraid of commitment?
And why am I a cheating man magnet?
Then why do the men I date always want to control me?
More importantly, why am I staying with someone who I know is just not right for me?
On closer inspection, it’s a common pattern: quiet, reserved, nice people continually attract emotionally explosive and manipulative people into their love life.
Why does this happen? And why does it seem to happen over and over again to the same people?
The reasons behind this repetitive fiasco
There are several of them !
One of them could be that you are not comfortable with intimacy or with the idea of expressing your emotions openly and honestly.
This inability to express emotionally healthy intimacy will narrow your dating options.
You will only have access to those who are equally damaged in their ability to maintain healthy intimacy.
Logical no?
If all of this speaks to you, you might be wondering if there’s something about you that tells men, unwittingly, that it’s okay to lie to you…or cheat on you…or not commit to you.
Regardless of the specific pattern that keeps repeating itself in your relationships, it doesn’t matter because at the root of it all, a man’s bad behavior boils down to one common theme: selfishness.
It doesn’t matter if he is a liar, a cheat or a gambler.
At the heart of all these problems is simply a man who cares more about himself than you.
The question is, why do you keep falling for men who put themselves first?
Why you get screwed every time
Often close to perfect when you first date, it doesn’t take long before you end up with someone completely different!
He becomes clingy, needy, bossy, …
Maybe he becomes distant and indifferent, especially after the first night together
Or maybe you find yourself attracted to a few men who seem okay, but they never seem to like you back.
Worse, even if they show a little interest, you find a million reasons to wonder why they would like you, with the result that you push them to give up and disappear forever.
Whatever your situation, fear not, this problem of only attracting fools can be solved.
Your life doesn’t have to be a series of romantic failures, but it will take work to break this vicious circle.
You have control
You have FULL control over who you enter into a relationship with.
The hard but pure truth is that when you decide to date a guy, whether he’s a jerk or not, you have all the power in the world to walk away.
It can be very quick if you directly feel that he is not ideal for you or it can take a little longer if you find that he is not the type of guy you thought he was when you started. your first meeting.
But you should never feel trapped in a relationship, let alone feel compelled to stay because otherwise it would be an “admission” of failure.
Staying because you think he’s going to change for you, when it probably won’t, is a really bad idea too.
Unless he takes immediate action and plays an obvious active role in changing it.
Remember that you can create an attraction but you can also destroy it.
the laws of attraction
Two hypotheses exist when it comes to love: “opposites attract” and “like attracts like”.
The problem, then, is not with who you meet but with your choice of who you decide to stay with.
By default, we often attract people into our lives who have a similar level of “problems” to deal with.
Trust, love and fear are three emotions that we attract into our lives, equal to how we feel ourselves.
If you are a truly confident person, you will naturally attract trustworthy (and trustworthy) people into your life.
But if you are a fearful person, you will attract other fearful people.
They may not be afraid of the same things you are, but on some level they react to life (and their relationships) from a default reaction of fear.
As for opposites, they risk creating more drama than necessary or simply sinking you even further.
How to find the balance then?
By figuring out what question you’re trying to answer by dating those kinds of people.
1. Will I end up alone? (aka “fear”)
Many women are more willing to stay in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because they are intimidated by the prospect of being alone than really trying to live alone.
In other words, the idea of being alone is so frightening that sometimes we prefer to stay with men who are not a perfect match for us.
Don’t settle for crumbs because of this fear.
Staying in an unsatisfying and difficult relationship can damage your emotional and physical health.
Plus, by choosing to be with the wrong man rather than being alone, you’re actually making yourself completely unavailable to other men who might potentially be a better fit for you.
So it’s never been more important to face your fear of going solo for a while.
You wouldn’t want to miss the chance to meet the One , would you?
2. Is there a man who will heal my wounds? (aka “familiarity”)
In many cases, women fall in love with the wrong men because they face low self-esteem.
Nearly half of women are unhappy with their bodies and the majority of them can’t even look in the mirror without feeling disappointment and self-loathing at some point.
With these unfortunate statistics in mind, it’s no surprise that women can end up attracting men who don’t treat them well, meet their needs, and provide the love and emotional support they need. they deserve.
Because precisely, they think they do not deserve better.
If this is your case, then you will tend to choose men who play directly with your insecurities.
But if you really want to have healthy and happy relationships, the first thing you can do is observe yourself.
Relationship difficulties are inevitable, but if you have good self-esteem, you can deal with them feeling safe.
No one person is more important than the other in the relationship and both of your needs deserve to be met.
Work on your relationship with yourself.
Learn to love yourself, accept yourself, and know yourself.
You don’t have to wait until you hit rock bottom to start this work, you don’t have to wait another ten years. Start now!
When you can see how amazing you truly are, you’ll be better equipped to attract a man who will also see your potential and worth.
3. Are all men assholes? (aka “The Nurse”)
Ah, the addiction to drama.
You only come across “crazy people” who are always in a state of crisis, who are always victims of something.
And they always need to be saved or “fixed”.
It makes you feel important and needed: two things you have rarely felt so intensely before.
Their fear is the same as yours: that you don’t matter.
This is how the over-emotional/under-emotional duo enters a toxic unconscious dance of victim and savior, oscillating between dizzying euphoria and abject misery.
These “crazy people” almost always end up leaving you.
Because over time you are willing to sacrifice more and more of your own identity to solve their emotional problems, to the point where you lose all ability to think or choose for yourself.
It destroys the other person’s attraction to you because people with no self-esteem are the very embodiment of boredom.
At this point, the only way to keep the crises going is to look for another person to complicate things.
These people are naturally drawn to love triangles, especially since they are the point between two other people.
These triangles provide endless fuel for their need for drama.
And it also provides you with endless fuel, as you feel compelled to try to ‘save’ it from itself or ‘fix’ your torque.
These men are responsible for their own behavior but if you constantly integrate them into your life because of your own mechanisms, it becomes your responsibility, your “fault”.
Break your chains!
Observe your past relationships.
Do the men you’ve been with seem to share similar negative traits? Were they narcissistic (very confident, self-focused only), unwilling to commit ( run away from me, I’m following you ), or did they treat you badly?
You may find yourself trapped in a negative relationship cycle that causes you to keep falling for the same type of bad guy over and over again, always breaking your heart that little bit more.
But you can also decide to leave.
The first step is to recognize that YOU do indeed have a flawed choice process.
Next, you’ll need to look internally and figure out what characteristics you really value in a partner.
In more explicit, it is time to establish limits.
Being “choosy” is necessary when it comes to love, don’t feel guilty for only wanting the best for you (within reason, of course).
Finally, solve your problems alone, do not wait for a man to come and save you: YOU are in charge of your happiness, nothing and no one else should.
We roll up our sleeves and let’s go!
