5 reasons why feeling insecure in a relationship is a red flag
Are you feeling insecure in a relationship and wondering if that’s a red flag?
Did you initially feel confident, but over time have you started to question yourself in the relationship and how and why things are happening the way they are happening?
Do you find yourself doing whatever you can to feel more secure in a relationship, but to no avail?
If you feel insecure in a relationship, there can be many reasons. Most of these are red flags, I’m afraid, and being aware of them is very important to your future happiness, whether in this relationship or any other.
Here are 5 reasons why feeling insecure in a relationship can be a red flag.
1. You are not treated well.
Ask yourself this question: Are you being treated well in this relationship?
Does your persona show up when they say it? is she honest with you Does she treat you with respect? Do they involve you in activities they enjoy doing?
If your answer to any of these questions is no, then you are not being treated well. And not being treated well can be extremely insecure for someone, especially if you were treated well at the beginning of the relationship.
And needless to say, when you’re not being treated well in a relationship, it’s a huge red flag that the relationship isn’t healthy.
Don’t try to hold on to the way things were in the beginning, believing that if you try hard enough or persevere long enough, things can go back to the way they were. The old days are gone. And if you’re not being treated well, it’s time to crawl!
2. You are not yourself.
Be honest with yourself. Are you the real you in this relationship? Would your friends say that the person you are when you are with your partner is the person you normally are?
Many people who feel insecure in a relationship are because they are not their authentic selves. Instead, they’ve twisted into a pretzel and are trying to be who their person wants them to be. The result is that deep down they know that they are not themselves and that their partner loves someone else.
I have a client who loved to drink and when she was with her friend who was in recovery she didn’t drink. She said it was fine with her, but when they weren’t meant to be, she got drunk. And he didn’t want to be in a relationship with a girl who gets stoned. All of this made her feel guilty and ultimately their relationship fell apart.
So, ask yourself if you are authentic . If you’re not, you may feel insecure in a relationship, and that’s a big warning sign that your relationship could be failing.
3. You ignore signs of it.
You know it when you see something very clearly, but you choose to ignore it because you just don’t want to deal with it?
For example if you know you could be fired if you don’t finish the project on time. Or if you don’t apologize to your sister, then things will only get worse? Or when you know your credit card payment is due, so you hide the bill so you don’t have to think about it?
All of these things will not make you feel good in any way and usually lead to feelings of insecurity.
It’s the same in a relationship. For my client, who pretended not to drink when she was with her guy, she was also a pro at ignoring any indication that the relationship wasn’t what she wanted.
He said so and was hours late. He didn’t answer their calls because he was supporting other people. He told her he didn’t want a real relationship but would still come over to look for love.
All of these things made her feel insecure and because she ignored them (and didn’t tell me about them) they only got worse.
Ignoring the signs that things aren’t going well is a big red flag that your relationship could be doomed.
4. You don’t listen to your friends.
How many times have you said something to a friend just to get them to ignore you and still do what they want? hundreds right?
Are your friends telling you things right now that you’re ignoring? Do they alert you to problems in a relationship that isn’t healthy? Do they alert you to warning signs you may have missed? Do they make you feel like your relationship might not be as good as you want it to be?
If you ignore your friends, it could be one reason you feel insecure in a relationship. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that your relationship is healthy, your friends’ words are always buzzing around in your head, making you question your relationship and making you feel bad about yourself.
And when your friends tell you to shut off, that’s definitely a red flag!
5. Your life has been derailed.
Is your life not what it was before this relationship began? Have you lost touch with some of your friends? Has your work suffered? Did you gain or lose weight? Having trouble sleeping? Has your life been derailed by the relationship you are in?
I remember being in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to commit to me. He should keep saying he would, but then he came and went. It made me question everything about myself. I couldn’t sleep, my work was suffering and I let my friends down, sat on the phone and waited for his call. I felt like a shell of who I was before the relationship. And boy did it make me feel insecure, mostly knowing that this unhealthy relationship was getting me down.
So if your life has been derailed by this relationship, watch out. The insecurity you feel is a big warning sign that should not be ignored.
I know that feeling insecure in a relationship doesn’t feel good.
Relationships should be about love and friendship and good times, not about being disrespected, not being yourself, losing your friends and your life, and ignoring signs that it all points to toxicity.
Take good stock of the things I talked about above. If there are warning signs in your relationship that you are ignoring and that are making you feel insecure, then do something about them. Confront them – either with your partner or with yourself.
Don’t waste another minute in a relationship that makes you insecure. Life is too short!