Unhappy relationship: 8 signs and what to do

8 signs that you are in an unhappy relationship

Sometimes it can take weeks or even months to realize that you’re not really happy in a relationship anymore. Habit and everyday life often overshadow the unhappy moments . If you notice more than one of these eight signs, it could be that the partnership with your boyfriend or girlfriend is no longer making you happy and that you should definitely change something .

1. You feel increasingly lonely

In a relationship, you go through thick and thin together. Had a bad day at work or a fight with a friend? Then your partner can stand by you with an open ear. However, if you increasingly feel left alone with your problems and perceive an emotional distance , this can be a sign that you are both growing apart and lack affection and value creation.

2. You think about what it’s like to be single

Of course, it’s normal to ask yourself, ” What if? ” from time to time. But if you keep thinking about what it would be like to be single now, this can be a sign that you are unhappy in your relationship. Sometimes these thoughts are very subconscious and you don’t even notice them at first. But eventually they can get louder in your head and even make you long for singleness or a new relationship . Listen to your inner voice. She is telling you that something is wrong in your current relationship.

3. There are hardly any date nights anymore

You see it again and again: Couples who have been together for a long time and maybe even live together spend the whole day together, but there are hardly any real dates anymore . In a relationship, it is always part of consciously taking time for the other person , making an effort and creating shared experiences. If the only date you have is the weekly folding of laundry in front of the TV, that can make you unhappy in the long run.

4. There is less and less closeness

We humans all have a basic need for love and closeness . And in a partnership, too, both emotional and physical closeness should be part of the basic equipment. Of course, the passion wanes a bit over time and you don’t rip your clothes off every day like you did in the beginning. But when passion has completely frozen and you can barely remember the last time you had love , that’s a big sign that something isn’t going right in your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like it anymore or if your partner keeps brushing you off – if there is no physical closeness, it is usually at the expense of your own happiness.

5. You live next to each other

“You do the shopping, I’ll take away the used glass.” If you have been in a relationship for a long time, it usually runs smoothly. But a relationship shouldn’t just work . If you have the feeling that you just live next to each other, each doing their own thing and basically no longer having serious conversations and hardly knowing anything about the other , this can not be enough for you over time and can make you unhappy.

6. You no longer value yourself

Critical remarks, silent eye rolls, embarrassing yourself in front of other people – these are all signs that there is a lack of value in the relationship. But perhaps there is also a deep-seated contempt . This can have developed gradually until there is no turning back. If you don’t feel valued by your partner, it’s a sign that the relationship can’t go on like this. In the long run, the lack of added value will negatively affect your self-esteem .

7. Your friends are more important to you

Are you making more and more plans, but exclude your partner from them and instead plan more and more activities with your friends ? It is of course quite normal to do a lot with friends. However, if you repeatedly notice that you really want to do an activity or a trip, but don’t want to do it with your partner, then this can show you that you are no longer so happy with this person.

8. The positive memories fade

In a relationship you collect so many memories. Good and bad. If you feel that the good memories are fading and the bad feelings are taking over , this is a clear sign from your subconscious that you have not been happy for a long time. But it can also be that the positive memories come up in you, but then fill you with sadness because the happiness from back then is no longer there.

Unhappy relationship: You should ask yourself these questions

You find it difficult to sort your thoughts and you no longer know whether you are happy in the relationship, or not ? This is completely normal. Feelings can’t always be very clear. They come from the subconscious and often only come to light when it is almost too late. Therefore, consciously take a moment for yourself and try to find an answer to these questions in peace . Ps: It can also help some people to write down the questions and the corresponding answers.

• How long have I been unhappy?
• What exactly is making me unhappy?
• How does my partner feel?
• What has to change in order for me to be happy again?
• What is keeping me in my relationship?
• How would I feel if I broke up?

Unhappy in the relationship: You can do that

save relationship

Communication is the be-all and end-all . If you feel unhappy in the relationship, there is no point in putting this feeling off forever. It will not get better. It is therefore very important that you talk to your partner about it. During the conversation, you can also find out how he or she is feeling.

If you are both unhappy, you can now decide together what you want to do . What has to change on both sides so that you can be happy with each other again? What expectations do you have of each other and what concrete steps do you define for the next few weeks?

For some couples, it can help to set a time frame in which you both actively work on the relationship and communicate constantly with each other. After a few weeks you can draw an interim conclusion together and see how things are with you both. Are you happier in the relationship again or not? If not, the whole game starts over.

More tips :

• Relationship islands: Build in small breaks in everyday life that you only use for each other. That can be 10 minutes or 30 minutes a day. During this time you communicate with each other, work on physical closeness or do what is good for you as a couple.
• Wishlist : Do you find it difficult to gather your thoughts? Then write a wish list with all the things you want for the future in your partnership. The list will help you reflect.
• Appreciation : Consciously seek out moments in everyday life in which you praise the other person or express gratitude to him or her. This is a real booster for the feeling of appreciation between each other. But it has to come from both sides!

give up relationship

Or you decide to separate . This should not happen head over heels and in the heat of the moment, but should be a conscious decision . If you no longer see a chance for the relationship to make you happy again, it is perfectly okay to decide to end the partnership.

We don’t want to embellish anything: a breakup is hard and you can expect to be heartbroken in the coming weeks. But if breaking up is the best way for you to find happiness again, then you should go for it. Your own happiness in life should always come first .

Conclusion: separation or stay together?

Only you can decide whether you decide to break up or save the relationship . Unfortunately, we, your friends or family cannot make this decision for you. The important thing is that you stand up for your happiness and do everything possible to make yourself happy again. If your partner is willing to work on your relationship so that you are both happy again, you can of course try. But if not, there’s no use living forever in a relationship that makes you unhappy and doesn’t fully fulfill you. You deserve love, you deserve value, you deserve happiness !