Most of us strive for the one great love in life. But the science of love throws a spanner in the works.
True love – who doesn’t long for it? According to Statista, 74 percent of Germans believe in true love. But can everyone assume that such a relationship is waiting for them or is it just a matter of luck whether you find your perfect partner among millions and billions of people?
If you are currently heartbroken or unintentionally single, you will hopefully not despair, but keep searching and hope that there is a perfect match for you, somewhere out there. But what if you don’t find each other?
The good news for all skeptics and lonely hearts who haven’t found each other yet: We do indeed meet more than one great love in life. And yes, there are several. To be more precise: We can meet three great loves over time.
With one small caveat: The number ‘three’ does not necessarily mean that there are three soul mates that we meet in the course of our lives. It is less about the number of great loves, but rather about the types of great love relationships.
Social psychologists say that there are exactly three types of great love in our lives. Each of them is different and has a different meaning for our development.
According to experts, this type of love and relationship awaits all of us in life. Each of them is unique and special.
1. The first great love
Yes, the first great love is something very special. We usually never forget it, even though we are still young and have no expectations. After all, what should we compare our loved ones to? After all, everything is new and exciting. The first embrace, the first time.
And there is something else unique about this first great love: we think that it will last forever and ever. Unfortunately, it is not, because we are often still young and malleable. We value the opinions of others and allow ourselves to be influenced – even in matters of love.
According to psychologists, the special thing about this kind of love is that we want to idolize and idealize our partner. We don’t do that in the same way afterward either.
2. The second great love
After the painful separation from our first great love, we are much more cautious. After all, we have realized that a relationship can fail and how painful a separation is.
The second great love is also new in other respects: both partners are more equal and know more about what they want and what they don’t want than was the case with the first love. And of course, that also leads to discussions and arguments.
We have become much more critical, discuss things more, are more opinionated, and are more passionate about many things in our relationships. We are often more intellectual, want to change the other person, and try to work on the relationship instead of just being happy.
And so we often hold on to the partnership even though it is long too late. But we also usually learn this here: to recognize when it is time to draw a line under it.
Psychologists say about this second great love (which can happen several times before the third great love comes along): We learn a lot about ourselves and our way of conducting relationships in this type of relationship. That is why it is very important.
After that, we know who makes us happy and who doesn’t, what we need, and what kind of closeness and distance is right for us. An educational love, so to speak.
3. The Third Great Love
Let’s move on to the third great love. It is the one where we know: we want to stay here. Forever. We can imagine a lot of things with this partner. Living together, getting married, and having children.
But this love is often one where we make compromises. Because it doesn’t grab us completely at first sight, but we only realize after a certain amount of time that it just works.
Our partner may not be what we ideally imagined and the love is different too. But, and this is the crucial thing: it just feels good and right.
We
feel that we have arrived, that we are in the right place at the right time. Without a lot of drama, tears, and arguments. Just like that. And this third love should be held on to – forever.
