I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him: what to do?
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him…
I’m really confused and desperate.
What am I supposed to do?
Paulina, 27 years old
Pauline asks a question that many women hide deep inside.
Sometimes love is not enough.
If there is no quality time, respect or communication, the relationship can crumble.
Sometimes the love is gone, but you don’t know how to part.
Indeed, you have been in a relationship for a long time and you are afraid of finding yourself single.
Or, you’ve gotten so used to each other that the very idea of life without each other is unthinkable.
So why can’t you break up?
Why are you stuck in this misfortune?
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him: what is causing this unhappiness?
There are many reasons that can explain why you are unhappy in your relationship.
1. Lack of love
I’m fine with you, but I don’t think you love me.
Corinne to Paul, during a couples therapy session.
You no longer feel romantic feelings for him.
Or, you have the impression that he no longer loves you.
In short, you are together out of habit, out of comfort.
2. Lack of attention
I’m with you my love.
Why don’t you look at me?
Why can’t you hear me?
Sarah desperate to get Jeremy to react.
You go out of your way to invite your partner to pay attention to you.
But he prefers going out with his friends or playing video games.
In short, you look more like roommates.
3. Lack of trust
A lack of trust can also make a relationship very unhappy.
A lack of freedom is often preceded by a lack of confidence.
Lack of trust can cause your partner to control you, lock you down, and give you little freedom.
4. Excessive jealousy
I’m fine with you, but I can’t stand your need for control anymore.
Manon to Theo, during a couples therapy session.
Jealousy can also make you unhappy in a relationship.
Jealousy comes mainly from the fear of losing.
This fear of loss may have been caused by a bad event in your partner.
Those affected fear that a similar situation, which was very painful at the time, will happen to them again.
5. You have no personal space
Another reason why you can quickly become unhappy in the relationship is that your partner gives you little freedom.
For example, if your partner doesn’t allow you to go to parties or hang out with male friends, this can quickly lead to feelings of oppression.
6. Married life is not for you
I’m with you my love.
But I can’t be in a relationship.
I need to fly on my own to flourish.
Danielle to Loïc
Simply, you feel trapped in your romantic relationship.
You feel like you are not living the life of your dreams.
You are stuck and prone to depression.
7. Love is not satisfying
Maybe you are not at all compatible at this level.
Or, one of you has no desire while the other needs frequent intercourse.
8. Lack of communication
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
We both always had problems communicating.
When things are going well, we laugh.
When they go badly, we shut ourselves up.
And that’s all !
Lucia, 27 years old
You can spend hours sitting next to each other staring at your phone, not speaking to each other.
It also means you don’t know what’s going on in each other’s lives.
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him: how did I get here?
When you are in an unhappy relationship, your main task is to find answers.
To improve a situation, understanding it is always a good first step.
In any case, you should clarify the following questions for yourself if you are unhappy with your partnership.
1. “How long have I been unhappy?” »
First of all, it would certainly be good to know if your unfortunate situation could be a phase.
Try to remember as accurately as possible when you first started feeling unhappy.
2. “How does my partner feel?” »
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
Maybe he feels the same?
Odile, 44 years old
The easiest way to start is to ask her directly, “Are you really happy with me?” “.
3. “What makes me unhappy in my relationship?” »
Whether you clarify this now for yourself or in conversation with your partner:
- What in particular makes you unhappy?
- Are you missing something, if so, what?
- Does your partner do something that hurts you and makes you unhappy?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you fancy something different?
4. “What’s holding me back in my relationship?” »
Seen from the outside, the most obvious question of all:
- If you’re not happy in your relationship, why not “just” break up?
- What do you have to lose?
- What does your relationship bring you?
- What connects you to your partner?
If you only stay in your relationship out of fear or habit, the sensible solution to your situation would certainly be separation.
5. “What needs to change for me to be happy (again)?” »
Finally, it helps to be as clear as possible about what needs to change to make you feel happier.
Can you change something yourself?
Should your partner change?
Can you change something together or at least try something that would improve your situation from your point of view?
If the measures are basically possible, feasible and in your hands, then it is at least worth trying to save your relationship.
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him: is our story really over?
Is the unhappiness you feel real?
This is a question that many women ask themselves.
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
So, I tell myself that this may all be in my head.
Am I expecting too much from this relationship?
Aline, 41 years old
You don’t know where you are?
In what follows, I will show you the signs that really prove that your romantic relationship is toxic and unhappy.
1. You don’t argue anymore
Relationships can be rocky, and the occasional argument is completely normal.
Especially in long-term relationships, you can hardly avoid it.
Less communication means your partner turns away from your advances.
As a result, each of you may feel invisible and alone despite being in a relationship.
2. Your partner is no longer your priority and vice versa
Of course, it’s important to set aside time for people outside the relationship.
It becomes problematic when you prefer to see them rather than your own partner.
It is a sure sign that you no longer want to share your deep emotions with your partner or that you no longer feel safe in the relationship.
3. You don’t go on dates anymore.
Many couples in unhappy relationships hide in activities, hoping things will heal on their own, but they won’t.
Of course, there are many plausible factors.
You may be emotionally drained from caring for the kids, caring for your parents, financial stress, or coming up with one of hundreds of other excuses.
4. Criticism is everywhere
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
However, we spend our time blaming ourselves for everything and anything.
Our arguments are ridiculous.
Helen, 41 years old
When either of you feels in an unhappy relationship, the smallest things bother you.
Disagreements in relationships aren’t always bad. But there is a huge difference between a complaint and a criticism.
Criticizing your partner and fighting the same fights over and over again are not signs of healthy interaction between you.
5. No one shows gratitude
When gratitude is lost and partners stop thanking each other or acknowledging each other’s efforts, it often leads to a cycle of dissatisfaction.
6. Love is non-existent
Love is not a must in every relationship and everyone experiences their libido differently.
Love is not synonymous with intimacy, but it is a way for couples to show their affection and desire for each other.
But if there is no Love, it may be a sign that the couple is not feeling comfortable.
7. You despise yourself
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
We literally hate each other.
But I feel like we’re both afraid of being alone.
Bea, 39 years old
Do I really need to explain this point?
Contempt is an absolute relationship killer.
Even happy couples argue sometimes, but contempt just doesn’t exist in a well-functioning partnership.
8. You always feel lonely
If a couple can no longer share their problems and successes, it leaves both partners in the dark.
Ideas and important details slip by the wayside, as does empathy and a sense of connection.
9. One of you is blocking
What is called “walling in” occurs when a person closes off, ignores or stops responding to their partner.
Silence may seem like an attempt to control the conversation.
But a partner simply blocks further discussion by withdrawing.
10. You live parallel lives
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
Still, I don’t think you’ll see a difference.
We work different hours, we have two groups of friends and we don’t have the same interests.
So what’s holding me back?
Gaelle, 28 years old
Even if you don’t spend all of your time together or have different interests, you should still feel like an active part in your partner’s life.
Can you describe what your partner did in the past 24 hours while you were apart?
11. You hold a grudge
Uncontrolled anger is like kryptonite in relationships.
Resentment is a destructive form of self-sabotage.
Its purpose is to keep people at a distance.
12. The bad mood is always present
If there is constant rigidity, anger or an uncomfortable atmosphere, it is cause for concern and certainly not a sign of a happy relationship.
13. You dream of being single
If you regularly dream of breaking up and becoming single again, something important is missing in your current relationship.
You should get to the bottom of this problem.
14. There is no respect between you
If your partner uses name-calling and insults to show that mutual respect has been lost, that’s a red flag.
The lack of recognition is one of the main causes of a breakup.
15. You want to cheat on your partner
Emotionally and physically, an affair is a painful experience that can destroy trust and break relationships.
Some couples are able to overcome such betrayal together and become more committed to each other.
However, most couples cannot overcome the feeling of betrayal.
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him: why can’t I break up?
Social media and our parents have always taught us that relationships are a real blessing.
They offer financial security, security, love, and in the best case, a soul mate relationship.
If we’re being honest, we also know that not all relationships are perfect.
Infidelities, inconsistencies in terms of a common future or lack of feelings for the other.
In fact, some relationships are an emotional minefield.
Although there are a variety of unhappy relationships, many cling to them.
Yet they subconsciously know that hanging on does more harm than good.
A separation is always out of the question.
So why can’t you break up?
1. I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him, because I don’t have to take care of myself.
As long as you stay in a relationship, especially an unhappy one, you can blame the other person for all your problems.
We are quickly caught in the erroneous belief that our partner is responsible for his own happiness.
Of course, the subconscious fear of separation is then very great.
If you take the plunge and break up, you are solely responsible for your happiness.
However, there are two things to understand:
- In a relationship too, you are the architect of your own fortune. The partner should not decide your emotional state.
- Anyone who is in such an unhappy relationship that there is no chance for improvement is better off with a breakup.
2. I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him because I’m afraid of pain.
A breakup can be painful and healing takes time.
Perhaps you have already experienced one or two separations and are therefore all the more afraid of the feeling of this experience.
Instead of being afraid of the idea of a separation, you prefer to ride in hope and yearn for better times.
The fact that we cannot separate can therefore also be understood as a protective mechanism of our body.
However, such uncomfortable feelings should not stand in the way of our future happiness.
3. I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him because I’m afraid of loneliness.
The third and final reason for not being able to break up is the fear of loneliness.
It’s clear: no one likes to be alone.
And a breakup usually means saying goodbye to someone who’s always been there.
However, if you’re in such an unhappy relationship that there’s no other way out, you shouldn’t let that stop you.
So start spending more time with your friends, acquaintances and family.
Seeing that you are not alone takes away your fears of a possible breakup.
4. I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him because I feel guilty.
Maybe you don’t want to hurt your partner.
Or maybe you have kids and don’t want to destroy your family.
Even if you are unhappy, you take it upon yourself, because you are afraid of causing harm.
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him: what should I do?
The end of a couple is associated with painful separation phases and fears for both partners.
However, in order not to aggravate this situation, you need to show empathy.
Above all, remember one thing: you know your partner best and you know how he will get off the easiest.
It can be helpful to think about how you would like to be notified when a relationship is ending.
Breaking into affect is not a good idea.
So, before you have the breakup discussion, you should be really sure.
When it comes to timing, a second factor is also important: if your partner is going through a stressful time or is in the throes of an illness, it may be wise to wait a bit.
But that doesn’t mean you should play the ideal world!
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
As soon as I try to talk to him, he leaves to do something or he’s not well.
It’s like there’s no right time.
And time passes, again and again…
Valerie, 29 years old
Because it is advisable to articulate your daily dissatisfaction in advance.
Ideally, you have written down all the reasons and can justify your decision in front of your partner.
It’s not about blaming, rather you should be able to explain why you want to end the relationship.
In the separation discussion, you need to be fair, respectful, and calm, take your time, and don’t make accusations.
The location is also an important factor: choose a neutral place, not too public and offering retreats.
Finally, you need to give your ex enough space to deal with the breakup.
Therefore, it can also be a good idea to have the conversation at home and then go to relatives, for example.
Because no matter how your partner reacts, the decision was also difficult for you and no one is solely to blame.
That’s why it’s not up to you to comfort him.
Before deciding to end your relationship, you need to know if you are still ready to fight.
Do you deep down want to fix things?
If you’re better off without your partner, it makes sense to draw a definite line.
So listen to your heart and take time to reflect.
Once the decision is made, you need to proceed with caution yourself in the breakup discussion and put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
One thing applies above all: stay consistent and do not back down to avoid a break that drags on.
I’m not happy, but I can’t leave him.
This is what I kept repeating.
Now I am alone, fulfilled and HAPPY.
Joelle, 42 years old
