8 things you should never say to someone you love
Words can be very strong and hurtful, and some phrases can destroy even the best of relationships. So make sure you never say these 8 things to your partner, especially when you’re angry, because after all, you love them — right?
OK guys you’ve always wondered – what’s the secret of a great relationship ? The secret isn’t so much what you should do, but rather what you should never say to your partner.
The dictionary defines love as a deeply tender, passionate affection for another human being. So when you want your loved one to feel loved, it comes down to two things: what you do and what you say.
Please don’t fool yourself with the playground saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” – it’s not true – words can and do hurt. You know it. I often say that we treat people at work better than people at home, yet we like people at work and love people at home.
Here are things you should never say to your partner because after all you love them – right?
1. “I hate it when you….”
How often do you find yourself saying, “I hate it when you take so long on the phone” or “I hate it when you leave the towel over the shower rod instead of hanging it where it belongs.”
Think about it – you’re telling the one you love that you hate something they’re doing. How do you think that feels? So what are you saying? Try, “Could you do me a favor?” And then explain what you want him to do.
2. “You make me so #@&%$# angry!”
Have you ever noticed that when you tell someone they make you angry, they get angry too? And how does that work for you, Hoss?
OK, here’s the truth, cowboy – no one can piss you off. You can choose to get angry. You can choose to be massively irritable. That’s your decision, not someone else’s. So what are you saying?
Instead, say it, “If you do that, it makes me feel like you don’t respect me.” So the formula is, “If you do A — it makes me feel B.”
3. “What’s the matter with you?”
When the person you love is frustrated or hurt and angry or emotional, when you say, “What’s wrong with you?” it sounds like they’re damaged merchandise and they won’t go down well. It’s an insult and doesn’t help them.
You can ask, “What’s going on? “or “Are you okay?” Then empathize with what’s wrong. The magic, then, is the tone – a soft and caring tone, not a critical, mean tone.
4. “That was stupid.”
When you say it, “I can’t believe you paid that much for this – that was stupid.” The person hearing that isn’t hearing that. What they hear is that they are stupid. They don’t separate the action from the insult. You don’t even hear the words afterwards.
Really try to eliminate the offending words. They are called offensive because they offend the other person. If you throw offensive words around, that person will feel the need to defend themselves and will often insult you back. Then you have a war.
5. “You always do.”
When you say it: “You always go out and to work and you forget to feed the cats.” You say it in your mind: “No, that’s not true, I don’t always do this, sometimes I do.” There are no absolutes .
Nobody does or doesn’t do something all the time. The accusation makes them feel offended. Why do you want the one you love to feel offended?
6. “Here we go again.”
If someone wants to talk about something serious and it’s been discussed before, don’t say, “Oh, here we go again. I knew you would bring that up.”
Obviously, the person wants to talk about it, and if you do, you’re disregarding their need to communicate. You’re saying it doesn’t matter to you. If it matters to them, it should matter to you.
7. “Just shut up!”
This is probably the worst statement of all. Translation: I don’t even want to talk to you and I want you to stop talking because I’m too frustrated. If so, it’s reasonable to ask for a reprieve.
Just say, “I need some time to think this through, can we talk about it later?” Procrastinating or delaying the conversation allows you to talk when you’re both in a better state of mind.
8. “You drive me crazy”
This should only be said as a compliment — like, “It drives me crazy when I see you in that outfit — hubba hubba.” Not, “You know, it drives me crazy when you do that.” To the one you love Saying he drives you crazy only makes him want to leave so you don’t get driven crazy anymore.
What now man? Take some time and sit down with your loved one and go through the list and agree on what you will both say in the future instead of negative hurtful words. Both of you will be so glad you did.
