8 Lessons to Learn After Experiencing Wishy-washy Boys Multiple Times
If you’ve come as far as scouring the internet for answers, then you’ve finally realized that his vague tendencies aren’t part of his charm. He’s hot and cold to you for a reason, and as hard as it sounds, he’s probably already “bench” you.
Maybe it’s not the first time, maybe you’ve been benched by a man before. And maybe he just crawled back to you because his first choice failed.
In this case, you have certainly already had some experience with the so-called “benching”. Especially when you keep bumping into these wishy-washy guys, you eventually learn your lessons. Because there are things that keep these types of guys coming back for more.
Some things may already sound familiar to you. If you have little experience with benching, then this article could also be of interest to you. Because to save yourself unnecessary suffering, you should know what the Benchers are all about.
Here are 8 lessons to learn when you’ve been “benched” multiple times:
1. There is always an immediate assumption that a man who hesitates is automatically a bencher
You must understand that not all men are the same. That’s something that happens when you’ve been given more than one time. It’s hard to be vulnerable, and it’s scary to let people into our most sacred spaces where old wounds and embarrassing baggage hide.
It may take time, but with the right person, things will eventually take care of themselves, and you’ll be thankful you gave love a chance.
2. His key to success is ambiguity
The Bencher has mastered the art of sending mixed signals. He doesn’t give you too much to be sure of where he stands, but he doesn’t give you too little either that you would drift off. He calculated the right amount of thrust and pull to keep you circling in his orbit.
Ultimately, you can’t call him a villain as he’s never stated any intentions for a committed relationship. Why these men do this, whether it’s to boost their egos or because they’re just confused, you’ll never know.
3. You’re in a relationship, but somehow you’re not
You’re never really together, but maybe you are somehow. At some points, it may feel like the early stages of a relationship, which is why you let it go for so long. You sometimes wonder if you’re in the friend zone, but then he flirts with you and you’re sure it’s something more. However, you are not officially in a relationship.
4. In the back of your mind you know that you’re only sitting on the substitutes’ bench
Always trust your gut feeling. If you feel like things aren’t on the up, chances are they aren’t either. The one being benched always knows something is wrong, but they like the bencher too much to just let it go.
We rationalize the bad behavior and keep giving the other “one last chance”. Sometimes you hope for the best and sometimes it all pays off. Only you can decide if your bencher deserves your attention when in doubt or if it’s time to walk away.
5. When he says the phrase, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” he means it
Maybe he just broke up with someone or he’s still figuring out what he wants long-term before making a move. Many women will ignore all this and try to change their minds.
This is often because they like the bencher so much and are therefore willing to take a few risks. But when a bencher says they don’t want a relationship, that’s exactly what they mean.
6. No one likes to be the butt, but if you need to clear things up, then you should
You just get to a point where, after spending every weekend together and meeting all your family, you wonder if this could be something more. Depending on how brave you are, either talk to him or search for information. Maybe he needs time to get over something, or maybe he just wants to have a little fun.
7. There is no right way to get over a bencher
A bencher is like a vice. We all know he’s bad for you, but he’s just so alluring that you might not be able to completely break the habit with him. It’s frustrating, and getting rid of such emotional vampires might not happen overnight, but it’s not impossible.
Instead of resisting temptation, you need to change your attitude and truly realize that you deserve better. To find out what works for you—whether it’s a gradual cessation or a sudden breakup.
8. You gradually lose your self-esteem
All of this can leave you feeling inadequate and insecure. When someone doesn’t return your feelings, it’s easy for you to question your self-esteem. The right person will appreciate you for who you are.
So if you ever feel worthless, find someone who loves you — be it a friend or family member — and look at yourself through their eyes. You will see that you are a uniquely wonderful human being and anyone who doesn’t see that is not worth your time.