When Starting a New Relationship
No one enters a relationship looking for a partner who is mean, manipulative, and just controlling you.
In most cases, the lucky winner seems more than correct at first… Well, okay, he may seem a bit peculiar around the edges, but his qualities outweigh his faults.
Where things go wrong is when the mask falls.
It suddenly becomes abusive or simply unbearable.
You may have been in a relationship with him for years before this change and ending the relationship is bound to be difficult…
While there are no magic tricks to knowing your partner’s real face early on in your relationship, there are some subtle red flags that should alert you.
1. He doesn’t seem proud of you
Whether he’s reluctant to introduce you to his friends, hiding you from his family, or reluctant to share a picture of the two of you on social media, this type of behavior can show a lack of pride. to be with you.
Or worse, that he already has someone…
Another reason could be that he is ashamed of his friends or family, but that is another red flag.
In general, and especially at the beginning, we only think of our darling!
Certainly, during the beginnings, you often have no other topics of conversation than this new relationship.
That said, your partner may just be a little slow to relax.
But if you feel like he’s ashamed to be with you or avoiding your questions on the subject, don’t waste any more of your time with him.
2. He still seems to like his ex.
If you’re dating someone who just got out of a long-term relationship, you might be in what’s called a band-aid relationship.
Band-aid relationships rarely work.
They often prevent mourning from happening and your companion may be a little too busy with his dying thoughts…
It’s okay if he talks about it once in a while or if he still feels a bit gloomy about his previous relationship, but there are limits.
Don’t bother if:
- He still has pictures of his ex on his phone and he looks at them often.
- He regularly checks his profile on social networks.
- The topics of discussion always revolve around her.
- Pretend to be friends with her and talk to her regularly as they just broke up
- You just feel like you’re just a substitute.
You’re not his ex, and if your partner hasn’t moved on, you might be surprised how quickly he could zap you out of his life if that ex resurfaces.
3. He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Some rules may not be fully established at the start of a new relationship and sometimes boundaries may be crossed unknowingly.
However, if you set clear boundaries and your partner keeps trying to cross them or at least push them away, that’s a pretty bad sign.
Your rules and limits may of course change over time. But this change must not occur because your partner does not respect them: it must come from your desire to modify them.
It is completely normal to establish a set of rules to follow when getting into a relationship.
These boundaries are simply a way to reassure us, to make us feel safe and to maintain control over our own lives.
Some people actually like to keep certain aspects of their life private (such as a situation at home or at work or the reason why they are not comfortable going out in crowded places, etc.).
It takes time to earn a place in someone’s life and gain the right to access their comfort zone.
So a forcer , it’s no right away!
4. He makes you feel guilty
Beware of manipulation, it exists in various forms.
One of the most classic will be the famous guilt-inducing phrase that begins with “if you loved me, you…”
You end up doing something against your will, with the impression that you “owe” him.
Since you “love” this person, you should do what makes them feel good, right?
Yes of course but it is especially at this time that you should gain height.
Ask yourself if his request is sincere.
If you realize that you are granting her request simply because you would feel guilty for not doing so, that smells bad!
That’s not love, that’s abuse. NEXT.
5. Your core values are wildly different and no one wants a compromise.
Core values are things that need to be discussed as soon as you realize the relationship is getting serious.
Although the differences between you and your partner may attract you in the short term, it is your similarities that will allow your relationship to thrive after many years.
If your core values and interests regarding things like marriage, money, and whether or not to have children are completely opposite to those of your partner, you may have some difficulty holding on. longer term.
If none of you want a compromise, it’s as good as saying that it looks bad right away.
6. He doesn’t trust himself and relies entirely on you.
If your partner has issues with self-esteem and boundaries, it will be very difficult for them to give you space in the relationship.
Ok, you might think that the fusional love is the top of the top but it’s not really the case.
A healthy relationship always requires a little independence, autonomy and space between the two of you.
And if your partner doesn’t want to give you that, that’s a bright red flag.
7. He doesn’t seem interested in your opinion.
If your conversations revolve only around him and his needs, alert!
You might be tempted to think that maybe he’s trying to get to know you when he asks you questions, but be careful: if these lead mainly to his own experiences or thoughts, congratulations, you’ve found a narcissistic.
If your partner is a narcissist, your opinion will matter little if it goes against their expectations.
Don’t confuse assertiveness with arrogance, either!
This can very quickly become embarrassing in many social situations…
Either you will feel humiliated by his lack of consideration for what you have to say or his obvious sense of superiority can only make you uncomfortable.
What to do in case of doubt?
We’re all imperfect people, and your partner is going to have flaws or traits that you don’t like.
If you encounter a few red flags, it may not necessarily be to cut ties immediately.
He can in the most sincere way not be aware of his behavior.
This is why talking to your partner about these issues is the best initial approach.
For example, if he seems too jealous, confront him with his behavior. Point out to him that he has nothing to worry about and that you don’t like how he is behaving.
Don’t communicate in a way that seems accusatory, explain how YOU feel.
If he is ready to change his behavior, he will listen to you carefully and try to improve.
On the other hand, if he becomes aggressive, it may be time to end the relationship and try to find someone who wants to grow and evolve alongside you.
Know your limits
When you’re in a relationship that seems to be getting abusive, trust your instincts.
Know when it’s time for your partnership to end.
Some attitudes are not forgivable.
For example, emotional abuse and certainly physical abuse are unacceptable.
If this kind of abuse happens in your relationship, you need to leave.
You don’t need to be with someone for the rest of your life if they don’t treat you well.
If he has no respect for you, you have no reason to tolerate this.
For example, if during a heated conversation you ask him to pause because you are not in a state to respond properly and he keeps talking, this is not normal.
It’s a violation of your boundaries.
It’s important to trust your instincts when it comes to setting a boundary.
In the early stages of a new relationship, it can be easy to overlook the obvious red flags.
But if your partner disrespects you, bye. If you’re not one of the most important people in his life, adios.
Being in a relationship means caring about your partner and their feelings, so if you’re not getting those attentions, it’s time to break free!